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Thread: Something to read out loud

  1. #1
    Mountebank MarkO's Avatar
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    Something to read out loud

    This is a little passage from one of my favourite authors, Jasper Fforde.

    “Good. Item seven. The had had and that that problem. Lady Cavendish, weren’t you working on this?’

    Lady Cavendish stood up and gathered her thoughts. ‘Indeed. The uses of had hadand that that have to be strictly controlled; they can interrupt the imaginotransference quite dramatically, causing readers to go back over the sentence in confusion, something we try to avoid.’

    ‘Go on.’

    ‘It’s mostly an unlicensed-usage problem. At the last count David Copperfield alone had had had had sixty three times, all but ten unapproved. Pilgrim’s Progress may also be a problem due to its had had/that that ratio.’

    ‘So what’s the problem in Progress?’

    ‘That that had that that ten times but had had had had only thrice. Increased had had usage had had to be overlooked, but not if the number exceeds that that thatusage.’

    ‘Hmm,’ said the Bellman, ‘I thought had had had had TGC’s approval for use in Dickens? What’s the problem?’

    ‘Take the first had had and that that in the book by way of example,’ said Lady Cavendish. ‘You would have thought that that first had had had had good occasion to be seen as had, had you not? Had had had approval but had had had not; equally it is true to say that that that that had had approval but that that other that thathad not.’

    ‘So the problem with that other that that was that…?’

    ‘That that other-other that that had had approval.’

    ‘Okay’ said the Bellman, whose head was in danger of falling apart like a chocolate orange, ‘let me get this straight: David Copperfield, unlike Pilgrim’s Progress, had had had, had had had had. Had had had had TGC’s approval?’

    There was a very long pause. ‘Right,’ said the Bellman with a sigh, ‘that’s it for the moment. I’ll be giving out assignments in ten minutes. Session’s over – and let’s be careful out there.”
    Jasper Fforde, The Well of Lost Plots
    MB2, SOH, Aquascope, Tangente, MM300, Blackbay, North Flag, Officer, Visitor.

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  4. #3
    King of Mars bolaberlim's Avatar
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    I know that I shall meet my fate
    Somewhere among the clouds above
    Those that I fight I do not hate,
    Those that I guard I do not love

    My country is Kiltartan cross
    My countrymen Kiltartan's poor
    No likely end could bring them loss
    Or leave them happier than before

    Nor law nor duty made me fight
    Nor public men nor cheering crowds
    A lonely impulse of delight
    Drove to this tumult in the clouds

    I Balanced all brought all to mind
    The years to come seemed waste of breath
    A waste of breath the years behind
    In balance with this life, this death.

    You'll excuse if I made any mistakes, but it's the only poem I know by heart, W.B. Yeats

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  6. #4
    The Dude Abides Nokie's Avatar
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    You guys are wayyyy too cultured for me....
    "Either He's Dead, Or My Watch Has Stopped....."
    Groucho Marx

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  8. #5
    MWC is that my watch's Avatar
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    god grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change.
    the courage to change the things I can.
    and the wisdom to know the difference.

    serenity prayer (well part of it )
    always works for me
    one night I dreamed I was locked in my fathers watch, with Ptolemy and twenty one ruby stars mounted on spheres and the primum mobile coiled and gleaming to the end of space and the notched spheres eating each other's rinds to the last tooth of time and the case closed - John Ciardi ...

    https://emgwatches.com/
    http://www.instagram.com/iyonk_strap/
    http://wristwatchreview.co.uk/

    ЖИЗНЬ НЕ ОСТАНАВЛИВАЕТСЯ, ПРОХОДИТ ТОЛЬКО ВРЕМЯ.
    Russian Watches



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  10. #6
    King of Mars bolaberlim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by is that my watch View Post
    god grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change.
    the courage to change the things I can.
    and the wisdom to know the difference.

    serenity prayer (well part of it )
    always works for me
    I know another one: Lord give me patience to endure, because if you give me strength I'll kill somebody!

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  12. #7
    MWC is that my watch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bolaberlim View Post
    I know another one: Lord give me patience to endure, because if you give me strength I'll kill somebody!
    yes indeed that why I keep it to just the first paragraph then it keeps it easy reading to all
    one night I dreamed I was locked in my fathers watch, with Ptolemy and twenty one ruby stars mounted on spheres and the primum mobile coiled and gleaming to the end of space and the notched spheres eating each other's rinds to the last tooth of time and the case closed - John Ciardi ...

    https://emgwatches.com/
    http://www.instagram.com/iyonk_strap/
    http://wristwatchreview.co.uk/

    ЖИЗНЬ НЕ ОСТАНАВЛИВАЕТСЯ, ПРОХОДИТ ТОЛЬКО ВРЕМЯ.
    Russian Watches



  13. #8
    Another Member crownpuller's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nokie View Post
    You guys are wayyyy too cultured for me....
    Quote Originally Posted by Seriously View Post


    ^^^ That's my kind of 'culture'. I love Blazing Saddles It still makes me laugh out loud even though I've seen it dozens of times.
    Some people have opinions - The rest of us have taste.

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  16. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Chronopolitano View Post
    ]
    Hee~~eee haw.
    I thought that was in 'It's a Wonderful life'
    Name:  samheehaw.jpg
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    On the same subject these should make you laugh:
    Modern day trailer for it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1bw-b5J6j4

    It's a wonderful life in one minute, thirty. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kv_5cu9ET9M

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