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Thread: Jokes

  1. #21
    Super Member Raza's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatmeworry View Post
    A rabbit walks into a pub.
    "Hello, little fella," says the barman. "Are you new in town?"
    "Yes," says the rabbit. "I've just moved in up the road."
    "What can I get you?" says the barman.
    "I'll have a pint of beer and a cheese toastie.
    The rabbit drinks his beer and eats his toastie and leaves.

    The next day he comes back, has a chat with the barman and orders another beer and a ham toastie.

    On the third day he has a beer and a cheese and tomatoe toastie.

    On the fourth, a beer and a tuna toastie.

    On the fifth day, the rabbit doesn't come in. At the end of the evening the barman is closing up for the night when the ghost of the rabbit floats in.
    "Oh no," says the barman, "what happened to you?"
    "I died," replies the rabbit.
    "Was it all the beer?"
    "No," replies the rabbit sadly. "Mixing my toasties."
    Haha, that's terrible.

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  3. #22
    Super Member Raza's Avatar
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    There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
    The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
    "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep and I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, and when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."

  4. #23
    wind-up merchant OhDark30's Avatar
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    - How do you get 4 elephants in a Mini?
    - Two in the front, two in the back
    ---
    - How can you tell if there's been an elephant in your fridge?
    - Footprints in the butter
    ---
    - How can you tell if there's been two elephants in your fridge?
    - Two sets of footprints in the butter
    ---
    - How can you tell if there's been three elephants in your fridge?
    - Three sets of footprints in the butter
    ---
    - How can you tell if there's been four elephants in your fridge?
    - They left their Mini outside
    Last edited by OhDark30; May 3, 2015 at 07:07 PM.
    It's the final countdown! PM me before they're all gone!

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  6. #24
    Super Member Raza's Avatar
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    A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender sighs, then says "Okay, you can stay, but don't try to start anything."

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  8. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by whatmeworry View Post
    Do you remember which one? I think I read it about then.

    This one?
    That was the one. Do ever worry that you aren't sufficiently immersed in the minutiae of your childhood?

  9. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by Der Amf View Post
    That was the one. Do ever worry that you aren't sufficiently immersed in the minutiae of your childhood?
    I worry that I remember the minutiae more accurately and fondly than anything else.

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  11. #27
    Super Member Raza's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Der Amf View Post
    That was the one. Do ever worry that you aren't sufficiently immersed in the minutiae of your childhood?
    I have very few memories of my childhood, actually. When prompted, I can recall bits, with varying degrees of vagueness, but to remember stuff on my own is very difficult. I need to be reminded of stuff, generally, I can't just pick them out of my memory like so many movies on a shelf.

  12. #28
    Something clever... bu11itt's Avatar
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    I apologize in advance for what I'm about to do...
    Chris:

  13. #29
    Something clever... bu11itt's Avatar
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    Did you hear about the guy that lost his entire left side?

    He's alright now.
    Chris:

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  15. #30
    Something clever... bu11itt's Avatar
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    I ate at a new restaurant on the moon. Food was great but there was no atmosphere.
    Chris:

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